Deadline Diaries

Five Romance writers tell all.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

My life is poop!


Posted by Susan

My life is poop. I don’t mean that as a metaphor—my life is actually fine. Unfortunately, lately, it seems defined by poop.

I have three pets, all of whom, go to the bathroom indoors. Nikki, possibly the world’s cutest dog, uses puppy pads. In Seattle, this is a good thing. Trust me, when it’s 38 degrees, windy and raining, you don’t want to be walking a dog. She has a couple of “bathrooms” and is very good about using them. Come poop time, I pick it up and flush it.

I also have two indoor cats who use a litter box. They’re both 14 and have never had an accident. Recently, I thought I’d reached a new high (or low—depending on your point of view) when Jake developed irritable bowel. Who knew cats could get it?? Apparently he’s become allergic to protein. When one is a cat, this is a problem.

I’ve seen an x-ray of his intestines and they are not a pretty place. So he’s on a special diet and an antibiotic and a steroid and he gets a vitamin B12 shot once a week. He seems to be improving. Speaking as the person to who is scooping the results of his irritable bowel several times a day, I can’t wait for things to pick up, so to speak.

His sister, Callie, was also having issues and we discovered she has a thyroid problem. Rather than give her a pill twice a day for the rest of her life—a process she seriously resists—she’s getting a special treatment that zaps her thyroid and heals her in one easy step. There’s something with radioactive isotopes. I’m not clear on the whole procedure. But this is what I do know…I’m going to be dealing with radioactive poop.

Uh huh…it’s in the post-op instructions. I have to collect her poop, store it in a covered container for two weeks, then hold it for 80 days before tossing it.

I guess this means her poop now has a half life. And as I can’t tell the difference between her poop and Jake’s, I’ll be collecting all of it. Did I mention Jake has irritable bowel? That there are days when he poops six or seven times? Now I not only get to scoop it up, I get to keep it. Like a treasure. There are absolutely no words to describe my joy.

12 Comments:

At 8:17 AM, Blogger Christie Ridgway said...

Oh, Susan! I'm sorry, but I'm LOLing. Sorry that your kitties are sick, though. But poop that has a half-life...well, it's just got to show up in a book someday.

 
At 8:41 AM, Blogger Susan Mallery said...

I would love to write about it...but I'm not sure anyone would believe me!

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger Maureen Child said...

Susan, only in YOUR house would there be radioactive poop!! Now I'm going to want to know the details.Does the poop glow?? Does Callie??

 
At 9:26 AM, Anonymous Kim said...

This brightened my day! Too funny!

I have a friend whose kitty potties in the toilet. (Think Meet the Parents) It really works! But get this, the kitty will only "go" once and then it needs to be flushed--so when my friend is on vacation, she has to have someone come in and flush for the kitty.

We have a Chesapeake Bay Retriever--that would be the equivilent of having a mountain lion use a litter box...thus, we have a fenced yard, and she does her business outside--rain, snow, sleet...etc.

I do however have one of my favorite people in the world..Adam...from AdamzK-9 pet service who comes and picks up the poop and puts it in an environmentally safe place...where? This is Adam's problem--I just write the checks. Truthfully, I have never SEEN Adam, I just know that the poop is gone, and I can walk in my yard. I pay him, he picks up poop! It is a great relationship.

Have a lovely day!

I am going out at lunch to try to buy the books--AGAIN!! Wish me luck.

Kim

 
At 9:49 AM, Blogger Susan Mallery said...

Kim--Love the idea of a poop picking-up serivice!! Maybe I need that here!

I haven't picked up Callie from her treatment, so I don't know if she glows or not. I do have my radioactive poop container ready to go, however.

 
At 10:15 AM, Blogger Kate Carlisle said...

I swear, I'm sorry about the poor sick kitty problem but I'm still ROTFLMAO!!!

And it's radioactive? And maybe glowing?? OMG, my stomach hurts. Really, I apologize for my rude snorting laughter...I don't know what's wrong with me.

And Kim, you've got poop pick-up service? Now that's fabulous!!!

Thanks to all. You've made my day so much happier!!

 
At 11:17 AM, Blogger Christine Rimmer said...

Susan. Kim. This was, truly, more about poop than I ever wanted or needed to know.

Gaaa. I thought just having to scoop two boxes daily--one for Tom and one for Ed--while the J was away was bad enough.

But Susan, you have taken pet poop to a whole new level.

And yes, maybe you need a professional pooper scooper--one certified to handle radioactive waste, of course.

 
At 1:07 PM, Anonymous Barbs said...

Well I was feeling sorry for myself but now I can LOL, thank you Susan.

I'm sorry you have sick kitties, you poor woman.

We don't have a pet but we did have a black lab the boy brought home then moved out and couldn't take the dog so he was my baby then. I can say I don't miss all the messes and the expense that came with him. The dh was the pooper scooper at our house LOL

 
At 5:15 PM, Blogger Christie Ridgway said...

barbs: That's my pooper-scooper too--Surfer Guy and Sons. Our yellow lab is a beloved member of our family and believe me, we'd be storing radioactive whatever to keep him healthy and happy. He is definitely aging...but we don't talk about that.

 
At 6:57 PM, Blogger Susan Mallery said...

Good news all...Callie had her treatment and is alive and well. I assume she's pooping happily! I'll pick her up tomorrow.

Jake's irritable bowel seems under control, too. Apparently Miss Callie was the super pooper, not him! That should improve with her treatment.

Ah, yes. The glamorous life of a published author!

 
At 9:18 AM, Blogger Dana Diamond said...

Radioactive poop!?! Now I've heard everything.

About now I'm not feeling so bad about my cats fighting for topcat with their spray.

I hope your kitties feel better soon. And good luck to you.

:) d

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger Brandy said...

It could be worse. You could have 7 cats like I do. *g*
Glad to hear both cats are doing well.

 

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