Deadline Diaries

Five Romance writers tell all.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Conspiracy Theory

Posted by Susan

I think my appliances are rebelling. I’ve mentioned that we bought a house about 2 months ago and it’s pretty fabulous. The previous owners did a great job taking care of things and they put in an amazing cook’s kitchen. Which could be part of the problem. I don’t cook. Okay, I’ll prepare dinner, but it’s not anything fancy and my idea of baking is to break apart those prepared cookie dough thingies and put them on a baking pan!

I’ve decided all the appliances really miss the previous owner, they’re bitter about my lack of culinary skill and they’re taking it out on me. For example…the refrigerator. It snorts at me. It’s a real snort. Plus, it makes a weird hydraulic noise and I’ve checked the manual…there’s nothing hydraulic inside. The dryer likes to mess with my mind. I’ll set it on “wrinkle prevent” which means when it’s done, it continues running on a low heat until I can get down to the laundry room to pull out the clothes. It also buzzes to let me know it’s done drying and I can get my clothes anytime. But then it gets impatient and crabby.

I can hear the dryer from my office and I swear, it shuts off. While it should be on the wrinkle prevent cycle, it just shuts off. Then when I go downstairs and open the door, it starts up again. If I leave, it stops!

But the worst one of the bunch is the dishwasher. When we moved in I had dish drawers. Two high-tech drawers instead of a regular dishwasher. Very fancy. They were so sad about losing their previous owner that they broke down on me twice in less than three weeks, so I replaced them. Now I have a new dishwasher and I think it’s trying to impress the other appliances and fit in by making me crazy.

When I first got the new dishwasher, the wash cycle was 109 minutes. Great. Then it was 111, then 109, then 110. I could accept that. Now it’s suddenly 126 minutes. Then 125. I swear, eventually it will be running all the time and I’ll be forced to stop it mid-cycle and toss in dishes and glasses.

I’m thinking I’m going to call a meeting and try to state my case to the appliances and hope they’ll accept me. The microwave seems happy with me, as does the cook top, but that oven!!

Speaking of stating one’s case, have you voted for Kate yet? You really, really need to. The button is right there. Just over a couple of inches. Seriously, click on it. Couldn’t be easier!


At 8:06 AM, Blogger Christine Rimmer said...

Susan, LOL!

This could be a poltergeist problem, maybe. Huh?

Okay, maybe just P.O.'d appliances. Yes. A meeting. Def. Tell them you're not worthy (even though it's so not true), but you do love them and please won't they be nice...

At 9:15 AM, Blogger Maureen Child said...

Ah yes, Susan. I remember the year all of my appliances made a suicide pact! They meet in the middle of the night, you know!! Anyway, over a three week period, THREE of them keeled over.

I do believe they're making a try for World Domination~!

At 11:12 AM, Blogger Maureen Child said...

Oh yeah.... Christyne, if you're reading this, CONGRATS!! On your first sale!! That's awesome news! And keep floating, baby!!!

At 11:37 AM, Blogger Susan Mallery said...

A first sale??? Tell us everything!!

At 11:40 AM, Blogger Christie Ridgway said...

First sale? I want to hear all!

Bummer on those appliances, Susan. Right now I'm mad at my refrigerator and my dishwasher. Or they're mad at me. And I'm cooking for Thanksgiving.

You know what that means.

At 12:00 PM, Blogger Christine Rimmer said...

Christie, I'm afraid. I'm very, very afraid...

In fact, you guys are all three scaring me. My appliances are working just fine now. And after Susan's blog, I know it can't last... *sobbing, fearful sounds here*

On Tuesday, Christyne wrote: Oh, and I sold my first ms today to Samhain Publishing so I am floating ten feet off the ground!

Christyne, more congrats!

At 12:21 PM, Blogger Kate Carlisle said...

Susan, you know those appliances are plotting against you! Maureen's right, they meet late at night and draw straws as to which one of them will pull the next move. Then they snort (yes, they snort!!) and giggle until they're wheezing with laughter. At us, their human keepers. I find this topic very scary.

I have an old, very cute stove that barely works but we keep it because it's old and cute. And my dishwasher, well. We have to wash the dishes before we put them in the dishwasher. Yes, they've got us well trained. It's scary, I tell you!

Hey, Christyne! Congratulations again!!!

At 1:09 PM, Anonymous Kim said...

when we moved into our house 11 years ago (almost 12) we had good appliances (not great--but not ready for the junk heap)

About 4 yrs into our relationship--my dh left the dishwasher door open--and went to bed, got up in the middle of the night to let the dog out--and fell into the dishwasher--you guessed it--he "sprung" the door--good and proper

--When we went to buy the new dishwasher--we had it narrowed down to 3 models that I would be willing to live with . When we had gotten to that stage, I asked my sweet dh--"Honey, do you want to aske them which door will support a 200# man?".

Yes, I am naughty!

Have a lovely day ladies.


At 2:12 PM, Blogger Christyne Butler said...

Oh my gosh poor computer! It does not appreciate being sprayed with Pepsi!! Too funny!

I think you can plead your case, and then just hope for the best. And have a long talk with your computer to make sure she knows not to listen to the masses!

Thanks again ladies for the congrats on my sale! This was really so unexpected. It’s my first ms, that after it received a very nice, but well deserved pass last year, was tucked safely away with a warm thank you from me for being such a great learning experience. Then at nationals this past summer I got to the bar to hook up with my first crit partner who now writes for Samhain Publishing only to find her talking up that same ms with a total stranger. A stranger who turned out to be her publisher!! And the lady was gracious enough to ask me to send it in!! So, after a nine week frantic rewrite, off it went. Less than a month later I got asked for some minor revisions, did them and off it went again. One week later – an email with an offer! And after I stopped crying, I haven't stopped smiling!

At 3:59 PM, Blogger Maureen Child said...

Kim--LOL....I'd be holding that over my dh's head for freaking EVER!! too funny!

Christyne--what a great story! And it spells out just what I've always thought....Selling's got a lot to do with right time, right place, right person. Oh and that pesky TALENT thing, too~!

At 6:09 PM, Anonymous Kim said...


Trust me it comes up often--almost as often as the trip to Las Vegas for our 10th wedding anniversary--and when we were at the car rental agency they told him that his drivers lisc. had expired...and I had to drive for the entire vacation.

He really is a fabulous husband and a great dad, but he has his dorky moments--that is for sure.



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